Okay, I guess I should explain. I am DOPED UP on several types of medication from some minor (but extremely painful) surgery. And since all I can keep down are gluten-free crackers: I've put my Whole30 on pause.
**SPOILER ALERT, I AM GOING TO TALK ABOUT A REALLY, REALLY EMBARRASSING MEDICAL CONDITION AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER OTHER THAN LAUGHING AND MAKING FUN OF ME, YOU CAN GIIIIT OUTTT.**
So. I had a hemorrhoid. What exactly is a hemorrhoid? It's an enlarged vein down in your butt. They can be internal, or external, or a mixture of both; which is very, very painful. That is the hell I have been dealing with for the past year. Excruciating pain, bleeding, and embarrassment were only some of the problems I had. Imagine being on your feet for 8 hours a day teaching like this. It was horrible.
Well yesterday, I finally had surgery to correct the problem. A vast majority of Americans experience a hemorrhoid at least once in their lives, and they normally go away. Mine... didn't. And the pain was affecting my life to the point that I couldn't do certain activities that I wanted (like going running, working out, going to concerts, etc.). The surgery just basically put stitches on all the arteries that could cause this problem. I didn't think recovery would be this painful... but it is.
The pre-op was actually a ton of fun, hahaha. They had these bad ass patient gowns that FILLED WITH HOT AIR TO SNUGGLE YOU AND KEEP YOU WARM
Paired with a heated blanket and hospital socks - I was in heaven. They even numbed my hand before I got my IV, whaaaaaat? Great service, man. And waking up from the procedure was extremely painful but they just shot me up with drugs! And sent me home with some more! Between an anti inflammatory, pain killers, and muscle relaxers.... I'm just going to hibernate the weekend away.
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