Day 10 and free e-cookbook!

Yup, you read correctly!  Arsy Vartanian is giving out free copies of Easy Paleo Slow Cooker Meals.  Paleo or not, you can never go wrong with a hearty crockpot meal.  Who doesn't love free shit?!

If you stuck around for the complete blog post last time, you encountered my menstrual monologue, where I expressed my excruciating agony associated with my unruly uterus.  ..Anyone else love alliteration? 

ANYWAY,  after dying at the gym yesterday and ending up in tears, I decided to make those cramps my bitch today.  I went running and just told them to suck it.

And honestly?  I did feel a bit better.  Even though I probably should have worn a snorkeling mask and oxygen tank HOLY HUMIDITY (I seriously cannot stop with the alliteration). 

Lunch was another lovely adult lunchable 

 I don't even like deviled eggs, hahaha.  But I made these with my paleo mayo, the yolks, some vinegar, and BACONNNN.  That particular lunch also includes homemade applesauce, guac, and brownie bites.  I love the variety of these things.  I find them here!

Alright, so technically tonight was supposed to be a crockpot meal.  Toss some veggies and stock in the pot and toss the bird on top.  Cook on low for 4 hours.

Uhhh.... a whole chicken?  On low?  Yeahhhhh I ended up tossing that salmonella farm in an "oven safe" pan (that smells like cancer when it gets above 350 degrees) to let it finish.  It still turned out great!

I blended all the leftover veggies for "paleo gravy" and uhhhhh

 

It ended up looking like baby vomit.  But it tasted much better! (I'd imagine)  We sauteed some spinach and made another bowl of faux-tatoes (which I love). 

I think it turned out great!  I've been saving all my bones and organs and hope to make some bone broth soon.  Apparently that shit is like the elixir of life or something.  Paleo peeps seem obsessed. 

AND FINALLY: my second nature box arrived.  *sigh* I guess I wasn't paying much attention to what I picked (it was weeks ago) but nearly none of it is Paleo-friendly.

  It's all gluten-free and junk but it still has grains I shouldn't be eating (oatmeal, rice flour, etc.).  I've given a few bags to Kevin and will save a few for the occasional treat :) 

I ordered:

- Masa crisps (corn/grain)
- Peppery chickpeas (legume)

- Cherry ganach granola (oats, sugar)

- Peppery potato fries (potatoes, rice)

- Umami almonds (soy)

- Vegetable chips (soy) 

I'll probably just cancel it.  I enjoy my fresh fruit and veggie as a snack anyway!  

And finally, I've received a lot of messages asking for help, general questions, and even just "keep it up!" messages.  They are so great!  Thanks, you guys.  I'm not getting a whole lot of support on this so every bit means a lot to me :) 

Week One: Completed. Where's my damn energy?

Seriously.  A huge perk of paleo is supposed to be all this limitless energy.

Soo.... where is it?  I consulted my Whole30 timeline (which, reminder, I am not following the Whole30 program) which reminded me that it's totally normal to be tired around this marker.  The unlimited powah should show up anywhere from day 15 to day 26

......Okay.

Well I still managed to drag my ass around the kitchen and get TONS of prep done.

Started with breakfast

Breakfast sausage meatlof with a fried egg on top with cherry tomatoes!

Then I moved on to stuff I'd be packing for lunch:

Boiled some eggs, made more Paleo mayo, made more protein bars, homemade raw applesauce, and brownie bites :) I'm having old-school lunches this week with tons of snacks and these are the ones I made!  The rest are fruits and veggies.

This left me with about an hour or so of free time before making dinner.  I know it seems like I spend a lot of time prepping, and it's because I do.  I spend nearly my entire Sunday prepping for the entire week.  But you know what?  That extra time I spend today keeps me from needing to rely of fast food later in the week.  I fully believe that I save SO much money by never eating out during the week.  Kevin and I only go out once a week, normally lunch on Saturday so we can get lunch specials :)  With how much I cook, there's really no reason to go out.

Okay.  Food.

Cottage Pie with shredded Brussels sprouts.  Apparently shepherd's pie has lamb and beef, farmer's pie has chicken or something, and cottage pie has just beef?  Whatever, this is just beef.

But it was sooooooo good.  

Alright, TIME TO TACKLE THE REAL FRICKIN' PROBLEM OF TODAY.  BOYS, YOU MAY EXIT NOW.

Oh.  My.  God.  I'm surprised I got anything done today, real talk.  I just wanted to roll around on the floor and pity myself.  Or call an ambulance, because I'm sure it's not healthy to have several baby alligators who are on fire try and claw their way through my uterus with dull spoons that are also on fire.

"oh it's not that bad"

I always have bad cramps, but these took the cake.  And speaking of which, that is ALL I FREAKING WANT.  And I'm not about to go spend $50 on "paleo-fied" baking ingredients (i.e. almond flour, coconut sugar, etc.).  So what's a girl to do?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT: BROWNIE BITES

These actually hit the spot, weirdly enough.  There's only a handful of ingredients and took about 5 minutes, haha.  I'm thinking as a treat or gift, I should melt a bunch of paleo-friendly dark chocolate and dip them and make little paleo truffles for someone.  THAT WOULD BE REAL LOVE.

Another thing I do for cramps: yoga.  Yoga all the damn time.  I know it's hard to get up and move while bleeding all over the place and wanting to murder everything in sight and simultaneously wish that it would tell you that you're pretty, but movement helps.

I felt a million times better while stretching, and immediately worse once I stopped.  "just keep doing yoga for about 3-5 days, babe.  I'm sure you'll be fine" - Kevin.

............Somebody's not getting any f*cking brownie bites.

Day whatever.. it's the weekend!

So last night was my first night eating out after switching to Paleo!  A couple of friends asked to go out, and very thoughtfully, asked where was the best place we could go that wouldn't screw with my diet.

HMMMMMMMM

I had actually been thinking about this for a while.  No soy, no gluten, no dairy?  Sashimi, maybe?  Meat kabobs?  My friends suggested Ghengis Grill and you know what?  Pretty good selection!  Next time (they were quite busy when we went) I'd like to talk to the manager about which sauces have soy and what oils they fry all my food in, but it was awesome.  I got to go through, pick all my protein (ALL THE PROTEIN), a ton of veggies, and they let me substitute my starch for cabbage.  SO GOOD.

This was also my post-workout meal so I gobbled the whole thing up.  I had never finished a bowl before!  It felt good though.

However, my stomach did flare up afterward.  This isn't new, and I wasn't surprised.  It seems as though every time I go out to eat I still get sick!  *Sigh*  maybe one day I'll find restaurants that are as passionate about clean food as I am

ALRIGHT: Saturday - grocery haul day

There's all of our unprocessed, whole foods!
And here's the processed stuff we had to buy:

.....lol.  I know that might not seem like a lot of food, but we still have lots of chicken leftover from last week in the freezer, along with some extra veggies we accidentally bought, haha.  We're turning these ingredients into:

Breakfast Meatloaf
My lunches I can take to work
Chicken with pear onions and artichoke
Farmer's Pie
and Slow Cooker Chicken and gravy

of course with piles of veggies on the side :)

I'm also going to be making my paleo protein bars again, which leads me to my next point!  I think a lot of people neglect the bulk food isle.  Y'know, the place where you can get the exact amount of pricey things like nuts and seeds?  I don't need a 5lb bag of pecans, so I'm not going to pay for it.  I don't need 8 cups of raisins, so I'm not going to pay for it.  I'm going to pay for the 1/3c that I do need and I'm only going to pay a few cents.  I LOVE THIS SECTION.

(disclaimer: buying in MEGA bulk [i.e. Sam's] is probably best, economically speaking.  but I don't want the food to go to waste, haha)

That's it for food, but I started my garden today! ....It's okay not to be excited, it's just a box of dirt.

But I got to learn how to use a drill!

Sadly, I never had before.  But Kevin helped out!  I like that we still learn something new from each other constantly.  We're similar enough to enjoy hobbies together, but dissimilar enough that those hobbies are different and we get to experience something we normally wouldn't have.  It's one of my favorite things about us!

Alright, alright.  Enough of that.  That sums up my day!  I'll be meal prepping all day tomorrow and am trying to soak up the last of my free time.  Thankfully, it was a beautiful day today.

Nothing more paleo than squatting and playing in the dirt.  Getting back to your roots can be so much fun!

Day 5/Update all the things!

(If you're here for the food, just scroll to the bottom, haha)
Alright, day 5.  So far, so good!

My digestive system is still kind of iffy and I'm having occasional cramping, but honestly?  What else is new.  Actually.... I did discover something new.  For the past 8 weeks or so, I have been (unsuccessfully) battling some tummy fluff and love handles.  While actively losing weight has not been my goal in God only knows how long, I have been working on lowering body fat/toning up all over the place.  I work out as much as I comfortably can, and followed (what I thought was) a clean eating plan.  After just four days of eating Paleo, I noticed a HUGE decrease in the bloating around my lower stomach and love handle area

Whaaaat?  'Cause let's be honest here, I have been eating many more calories than I used to (I'm just guesstimating.  I don't want to know how many I'm eating, hahaha).  I'm eating three big meals a day with some snacks.  And I feel great about it!  I remember reading once somewhere that once you go Paleo, you don't have to worry about tracking or counting calories because you're just simply eating *real food* and your body will know how to deal.  Hopefully this keeps going!

Also today, I re-watched Hungry for Change for the umpteenth time

If you haven't watched this film yet, GO DO IT.  It's on Netflix, and it will change your life.  It walks you through all the chemical and psychological explanations of the traps our food industry sets.  It touches on things like diet soda, children's school lunches, juicing, and all sorts of other stuff.  Don't let it overwhelm you and give you this "oh god I'm doing everything wrong with my life."  Just watch it, let it sink it, and watch it again in a month, haha.  I love it. 

BACK TO FOOD

So yesterday I got reminded: I f*cking hate scrambled eggs.  I don't know why I thought mini frittatas for 6 days straight was a good idea, but I know now that I will never make any time of make-ahead frittata ever again.  I had a smoothie instead, packed with a frozen banana, coconut milk (the full fat kind from a can, yummm), nut butter and some other tasty junk.

I worked a full day and brought more salad!  And a little baby cup of nut butter with raisins and cut up celery to make ants on a log, TO GO.  I'm an adult.

so exciting

Went about my day, went for my run, came home and watched Hungry for Change while trying to not pass out.  As I was getting ready for supper, I noticed I was missing a few ingredients.  You know what that means?  

MY CLOTH BAG FOR TINY SHOPPING TRIPS 

(I pooped today). 

Short mini rant:  I was using the self-checkout and I was entering in some veggies and this girl just like... yells random codes at me because ~she knows them so well~ AND THEY WERE ALL WRONG.  These are shallots, not garlic, you uneducated swine.  If I wanted someone to enter my veggie codes for me, I would've gone through the regular checkout.  You can biggoty back up right about now.

Then dinner! So easy.  Just some onions and leeks with chicken plopped on top.  Badda bing badda boom it's done. 

We had this with some roasted asparagus and a warm walnut and green bean salad.  I'm working on a bunch of stuff this weekend that I'm super excited to share with everyone!

Day 3/Back to work!

Welp, today was my first day back at work after switching to Paleo!

....Doesn't sound that exciting?  Well that's probably because it wasn't.  I woke up, microwaved some mini frittatas and added a piece of fruit and then packed my lunch.   After waddling around the school all day, I finally got to sit down for my lunch (for a whopping 20 minutes)

Yummmmmmmm!  Am I right?  This is just leftover chicken salad (I can taste all the pain and frustration of making the mayo) and some cucumber and strawberries and kiwi.  It was great!  I had a coworker come over and tell me how good the fruit looked!  So I went ahead and said I had just started eating Paleo.

"Ohhh."

"I heard of people having to get their gallbladders removed from extreme diet changes"
"I heard someone DIED of that once"

Oh yeah?  Cause I've heard of MILLIONS OF PEOPLE DYING OF HEART DISEASE AND OTHER DIET-RELATED CAUSES, YOU CAN BACK UP RIGHT ABOUT NOW

Seriously though, this will probably be something that I rant about frequently.   **stepping on my pedestal, please exit if you have negativity**  People seem to get so defensive about people around them eating healthy.  It's something I've experienced frequently, and will never fully understand.  I get teased and picked on for my lifestyle and habits of eating, but I never make fun of people for the food they put in their body.  People think Paleo is an "extreme" diet when in all reality, I feel as though the average American diet is extreme.  Have you read the ingredients on your favorite "health" food?  If you can't recognize them, neither can your body.  Maybe not everyone needs to cut out dairy, gluten, and soy... but it definitely cannot hurt me.  And I'd much rather take my chances on eating plants and animal proteins and healthy fats.

TLDR; haters gon' hate.

BACK TO FOOD

So I got off work, went for a run, and did my yoga.  Enjoyed more of my homemade fruit and nut bars, and started on dinner.  What did we have?

SLABS OF MEAT SKEWERED ON SPEARS AND SLATHERED WITH THE BLOOD OF THEIR KIN

Jk it was steak and cherry barbecue sauce.  But doesn't that ^ sound so much more ~caveman~? They were a blast to eat as well

grrrr I am a carnivore

We also had Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes and some shredded brussels sprouts.  

Try and tell me those aren't really potatoes.  Go head, just try.  What's that?  I wasn't listening anyway, because this cauliflower is super sexy and I don't even care what you have to say about it.

And finally, on the note of detox effects, I am feeling much better today!  No nausea, no headaches, nothin'.  Maybe it's over! (knocks on wood until my knuckles bleed)  We'll see what tomorrow brings :)