Recovery Sucks

Seriously.  This past week has been definitely one of my most physically and emotionally straining that I've dealt with in a while.

(fun fact: this was actually right after surgery)

I have never been put on bed rest or limited activity since... I broke my arm in like first grade (yeah, I'm still lookin' at you, Kelbye).  Trust me, sitting on the couch and sleeping all day was no tough feat. 

I got that part down pretty easily.  It was the having to get back up and be a part of a society that SUCKED.  I honestly don't know if this was hard because of the surgery or if my body is used to being so active.  I was also on a great cocktail of heavy drugs for pain and muscle relaxers.  After about 4-5 days I finally felt well enough to get up and try and walk around. 

Oh.  My.  God. 

Walking around the house winded me.  I couldn't make the bed without feeling the need to get back in.  I couldn't stay awake long enough to make breakfast.  I just didn't eat if I didn't have help from Kevin.

WELP, TODAY WAS THE DAY 

Today was the first day I had left the house since Friday.  Yes, Friday the 21st.  EIGHT DAYS AGO.  Whewwww.  We had to do it in bursts.  Little errands with breaks back home.  Yes, yes, it was inefficient but we got grocery shopping done!  I was exhausted but I got it done.  

Fast forward a few hours: I even got some work done in my garden.  Have no fear!  My little plant babies have been properly watered every day since my surgery.  That was my one little cardio exercise every day: make it to the backyard, hahaha.  But check it out! 

My tomato plant has sprouted some babies!

And I planted the remainder of my seed starters :)

AND LOOK AT THAT SEXY FREAKING MINT PLANT.  Quick story: for those of you who don't know the unfortunate tale of this Phoenix King Mint Plant.... my mom gave it to me last year and it was doing fine.  then I forgot to water it.... a lot.... and it died.  OR SO I FREAKIN' THOUGHT.  That little bitch started sprouting again!  And I went all Eve from Wall-E freaking out that LIFE had somehow found its way into my humble pot and I watered and watered and loved and watched in awe..... then I forgot to water it... a lot... and it died.  Again.  FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU, FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON ME, LITTLE MINT PLANT.....  Finally, I gave it a permanent home (on TOP of the herb garden, like the king he is) and it has been thriving ever since.  I am seriously in love with this little mint plant, hahaha.

But man, this left me exhausted.  I have finally experienced the "I can't work out because I'm tired, I'm tired because I don't work out" cycle.  It sucks.  But I promise, I PINKY PROMISE, that if you start to fit in 20-30 minutes of exercise  a day, you will feel a million times better.  I don't have clearance to work out for another week, but you bet your sweet ass I will be doing yoga and going on walks until then.  

Did I let that stop me from making dinner?  YEAH RIGHT

We enjoyed some paleo gumbo.  The seafood selection was.... different.  It contained crab, mussels... squid... octopus....  BUT SHIT, IT WAS $12.73

Not quite as catchy, huh?  Anyway, the recipe was simple - throw it in a pot and forget about it for a while.  It was alright, but whoever wrote the recipe was obviously not cajun or even from the south.  We had to kick up the heat quite a bit and it was still just kinda so-so. 

But I made enough for us to have it for 3 nights in a row sooo.....

Oops.

Day WhoKnows/Let me tell you 'bout my best frienddd

Alright, this entire post is dedicated to the absolutely most amazing care taker I could have ever asked for: Kevin.  So if you don't want to deal with all the mushy mushy, scroll to the bottom where I link a recipe.

If you read my latest blog post, you'll know that I'm recovering from a Transanal Hemorrhoidal Dearterialization from last Friday.  It was a minor surgery but has left me in a lot of pain.  Today was the first day I could freely walk around.  So all day Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and most of today... I was completely helpless. 

The recovery process has been extremely difficult.  My anti inflammatory medication is to be taken every 8 hours.  However, I start feeling intense pain after only 6 hours.  This leaves me three times a day writhing in bed crying hysterically from pain.  Yes, it's that bad. 

That's where Kevin comes in.  He had to do everything for me this weekend.  He had to bring me medication, water, food, run my baths, keep constant surveillance on me, go grocery shopping, cook for me, etc.  And unfortunately, one of the 3 times a day I'm in pain has frequently been at 5 a.m.

Not once did he complain.  Not once did he get annoyed.  Not once did he show any sign that he was tired or frustrated.  He'd wake up at 5 a.m. with me to run my bath because I was in too much pain to move.  He called my mom while I was on the bathroom floor fighting the urge to faint.  He grabbed my blankets from upstairs when I forgot to bring them downstairs (several times).  He rubbed my back as I cried and cried and cried from pain.  He had to spend his entire weekend with me and never got a break.  And not once did he make me feel like I was being a burden.

He cooked, he cleaned, he did all the laundry.  I could not have asked for a better person to help me through this recovery.  I'm constantly thinking of ways to show my gratitude, but it's going to be a while until I can fully express how happy and grateful I am.  He's just the best thing that's ever happened to me!

OKAY SO: TONIGHT'S DINNER 

While I did supervise, Kevin was in charge of dinner!  We made a super simple crock pot recipe for Balsamic Pork Roast.  This was super easy, just chuck it in the crock pot and leave it.   No pre-grilling, no chopping veggies, the perfect week night dinner. 

So when Kevin got off work (and made sure I had all my medications and such) he started on the sides.  More mashed "fauxtatoes" and some roasted broccoli!  Max and I were watching in awe 

I mean, we were seeing a Kevin out of its natural habitat! 

Despite his.... lack of cooking experience, dinner turned out great :)

And now we have leftovers for tomorrow night as well!  Hopefully I'll be back on my feet by Wednesday.  If not, I have the best help I could have ever wished for! 

Whole 30 on hold

Or should I say... Whole...d.  Get it?  Whole'd?  Hold?

Okay, I guess I should explain.  I am DOPED UP on several types of medication from some minor (but extremely painful) surgery.  And since all I can keep down are gluten-free crackers: I've put my Whole30 on pause.

**SPOILER ALERT, I AM GOING TO TALK ABOUT A REALLY, REALLY EMBARRASSING MEDICAL CONDITION AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER OTHER THAN LAUGHING AND MAKING FUN OF ME, YOU CAN GIIIIT OUTTT.**

So.  I had a hemorrhoid.  What exactly is a hemorrhoid?  It's an enlarged vein down in your butt.  They can be internal, or external, or a mixture of both; which is very, very painful.  That is the hell I have been dealing with for the past year.  Excruciating pain, bleeding, and embarrassment were only some of the problems I had.  Imagine being on your feet for 8 hours a day teaching like this.  It was horrible. 

Well yesterday, I finally had surgery to correct the problem.  A vast majority of Americans experience a hemorrhoid at least once in their lives, and they normally go away.  Mine... didn't.  And the pain was affecting my life to the point that I couldn't do certain activities that I wanted (like going running, working out, going to concerts, etc.).  The surgery just basically put stitches on all the arteries that could cause this problem.  I didn't think recovery would be this painful... but it is. 

The pre-op was actually a ton of fun, hahaha.  They had these bad ass patient gowns that FILLED WITH HOT AIR TO SNUGGLE YOU AND KEEP YOU WARM 

Paired with a heated blanket and hospital socks - I was in heaven.  They even numbed my hand before I got my IV, whaaaaaat?  Great service, man.   And waking up from the procedure was extremely painful but they just shot me up with drugs!  And sent me home with some more!  Between an anti inflammatory, pain killers, and muscle relaxers.... I'm just going to hibernate the weekend away.

Day 3 Whole30/Morning in the life of

I've had a couple of people who seem to be under the impression that I use some sort of witchcraft or time manipulation to get all my food prep/paleo crap shenanigans done.  Especially in the morning.

Sadly, that is not the case.  With just a little bit of meal prep on Sundays, I am still able to have a calm, relaxing, and efficient morning (including hot breakfast!) in the hour between when I wake up and when I leave for work.  I'm gonna break it down and give you a play-by-play!  I have to be out the door and in my car by 7:30 to make it to work on time.

6:25 - alarm goes off.  I may hit snooze or I may scroll through facebook or do something that lights up my screen and gets me up.  I turn on the shower and hop in by 6:30!

6:40 - shower's done!  I don't believe in taking long showers in the morning because it's something I just don't want to spend my time on!  I'm also lucky to have short hair.

6:40 - 6:50ish - I do my (minimal) makeup.  Honestly, if I didn't have to wear make up every day, I probably wouldn't.  I mostly only wear makeup so students don't ask if I'm sick, hahaha.  And (hair-savvy friends, shut your ears/eyes) I also just let my hair air dry.  Again, it's not something that concerns me a lot.

 6:50ish - get dressed!

This becomes an exponentially easier task with this little doo dad

Haha, Kelbye bought me this when I was in like... fifth grade?  I dunno, I just never stopped using it!  It's so easy, when I do laundry (on Sundays... I love schedules) I just put a pair of pants in each cubby and then add coordinating shirts and sweaters for whatever I want for the week!  Then in the morning when I hop out of the shower, I just grab mah clothes!

7:00 - I hit the kitchen!  I normally put my protein (either breakfast meatlaoves or sausage patties) in the pan on low heat so I can do other stuff simultaneously

Like pack my lunch!  I put it all in the tupperware the night before so all I have to do is put it in my work bag :)

Which I also pack my gym clothes the night before so I don't have to worry what to bring.  I have a separate bag for my gyms shoes (which can be stinky)

7:10 - I add my egg!  I loooooooooove fried eggs.  Seriously, they are the tits.  Little pools of deliciousness pouring out golden lava of the heavens.... I am seriously obsessed with fried eggs.

(I fry mine in ghee!)

While it's cooking, I chop up my veggies.  At this point, I have nothing left to do but walk out the door :) My lunch is packed, my work bag is packed, my hair and make up is done, and I'm completely dressed!  Sooo, 

7:15 - I enjoy my breakfast. 

I have fifteen minutes to chew my food slowly and savor every bite.  I truly believe that sitting at a table and actively paying attention to your digestion can work wonders.  

And honestly, it doesn't take me fifteen minutes to eat that plate of food.  I eat slowly, but it still only takes a few minutes :P I leave some buffer time in my mornings for....  

Morning poops. 

Yes, yes, poops are gross or whatever.  But it's time that we talk about 'em.  If you didn't know, my mother works in a digestive specialist office. Sooo.... conversation of poops and digestion and every nasty little detail in between are common place in my life (and how lucky am I, having a digestive expert as a mother with all my digestive issues! .....I still think she did it for the discount).  Everyone in my family knows about each others poops (or I guess, at least mine).  

MAKE TIME TO POOP.  Seriously, if you're stressed and upset and trying to get it over with as quickly as possible, you're gonna have a bad time

And eating breakfast helps.  It starts your digestion early in the morning and gets everything moving for you (literally).  If you say you don't have time for breakfast - you're lying.  Just wake up 20 minutes earlier. 

"ohhhh but I need more sleeeeeep......" 

Then go to bed earlier.  Seriously, most people who bitch to me about not having time to be healthy are definitely wasting time somewhere else.  And that's FINE you can use your time however you please but don't say that you don't "have" time for breakfast.  Be honest; you don't want to *make* time.

And that's it! An hour before work including my delicious breakfast.  And today was leftovers for dinner sooooo ta da! 

spaghetti squash with meat sauce, mushrooms, and prosciutto-wrapped asparagus!  This was surprisingly easy and amazing.  If you haven't gotten on the low-carb-veggie-substitute bus, you should.  Along with morning poops.  

HAVE A FABULOUS MORNING TOMORROW 

Day 29/Begin Whole30

Welp, I've finally decided to take the plunge - a Whole 30 challenge.  Before you ask:

"Cut out all the psychologically unhealthy, hormone-unbalancing, gut-disrupting, inflammatory food groups for a full 30 days. Let your body heal and recover from whatever effects those foods may be causing. Push the “reset” button with your metabolism, systemic inflammation, and the downstream effects of the food choices you've been making. Learn once and for all how the foods you've been eating are actually affecting your day to day life, and your long term health"

Basically: whole foods for 30 days.  This is how most people begin with paleo, but I wasn't quite ready for such a drastic leap.  But for the next 30 days, I will not consume any unnecessary processed foods or added sweeteners or go out to eat even with "paleo-friendly" foods.  I want to spend the next 30 days understanding why my body does what it does.  I want to know what my stomach is sensitive to, and try and avoid it.  This is the only body I have!  I want to be nice to it.

Thankfully, this will end shortly before Normangee Easter shenanigans (for those of you don't know, my HUUUGE family gets together at every holiday and has the best food ever.  I'll still try and stay paleo, but I can at least dip into less paleo-friendly things after my Whole30.

Seriously.  Normangee food = the tits 

SO, BACK TO NOW FOOD. 

Saturday morning I decided to do something crazy - paleo baking

Ughhhhhhh it is serious witchcraft.  I found a recipe for ~*~the best paleo biscuits~*~ and they were.... well they were not the best.  I mean, they were the best I'd had so far, seeing as how I have never had any others.  So I guess it's kind of true.  Sort of.  

WHATEVER.  I only made them because we were making an egg dish with a ton of tomato juice and I wanted something to soak it up!  But these biscuits SUCKED hahaha.  They tasted like pecan sandies?  That part was kinda cool, but they were just very dry.  Crumbled up and soaked in tomato juice, they were tolerable.  I froze the rest for after the Whole30 if I wanted them but mehhh. 

But they look sexy, eh?

Well today was my first day of Whole30.  Honestly, it's not going to be a lot different than the last 30 days.  But this way I get to reset my entire system for a month, letting me try to add back certain types of food afterward (like dairy, etc.).  I'm excited to try gluten and see what effect it has on me.  I'm getting to the point that I'd rather just lie and tell people that I have celiac than tell them that I've chosen paleo.  It's kinda sad, honestly. 

So for breakfast: sweet potato hash with an egg blah blah been having that for nearly a week! haha.  Lunch: another adult lunchable.  With this little doodle of a dessert that I've fallen in love with

Just a medjool dated, pitted, and stuffed back with unsweetened coconut and an almond!  It was surprisingly tasty. 

And for dinner..... more fake rice! 

And Kevin has begun to feel under the weather, so egg drop soup with my homemade bone broth :) I'm excited to see if he feels any better soon.

And finally....... 

Homemade almond milk. 

I feel like this is literally every person's reaction to the shit they read on my blog, hahaha.  But if you don't like it, don't read it! 

Anyway, back to da almond milk.  It is surprisingly really, REALLY easy to make.  You just soak a cup of nuts 

 They'll swell up and it's kinda cool.

Then you just drain them and blend them with more water!  and strain out all the chunky almond bits.  Which by the way, the "chunky almond bits" (aka almond flour) ARE $9.99 PER POUND, ARE YOU JOKING?  So I'm keeping mine and dehydrating it in the oven to make almond meal out of this since it is more expensive than unicorn pee.

And I added some vanilla bean and dates (since I can't have honey - Whole30) and I was pleasantly surprised!  It tasted totally different than store-bought, but surprisingly great.  I'll probably do this every other week or so. 

Ta daaaaa!

Day 25/I think I may have too much time on my hands

Day 3 of spring break.... oh lord.

So.  Much.  Time.  To fight the inevitable boredom, I've found things to do.  I've been SO productive! Haha.  I'm much more excited for summer now that I know I can always find something to do around the house (yaaaaay home ownership!)

But most of my focus today has been in the kitchen.  For several weeks now, I've been saving every bone from every meal Kev and I have devoured.  And since we're cheapies, we always buy bone-in thighs, and ta da!  Huge amount of bones leftover.  While I could probably use them for some creepy ass jewlery or shady voodoo tricks, I decided on bone broth.  I know, I'm lame.

MAN OH MAN is this stuff a super food.  According to several experts:

1. It heals a leaky gut. 

2. Fights infections such as colds and flu.  

3. Reduces joint pain and inflammation.  

4. Produces gorgeous skin, hair and nails.  

5. Helps with bone formation, growth and repair.  

6. Saves you money.  

7. Super easy to make.  

8. Healthier than buying supplements.  

9. Fights inflammation.  

10. Promotes sleep and calms the mind.  

Like.... why would you not make this stuff?!  All I did was toss it in a pot with some aromatic veggies and let it simmer for 8-10 hours.  Plus it made my kitchen smell sexcellent. 

When it was said and done, I ended up with about 5 liters of broth.  Whaaaa!  Awesome.

And apparently you can use the bones twice.  HOLLAAAA

And if you think that's the only thing I made today then you are ridiculous.  When has Chrissy Meine only ever made just one thing at a time?  Pfffft.  Peasant.

I also made ghee!  For non-paleo folk, this is clarified butter.  Essentially, you just boil up some organic, grass-fed butter (couldn't find any!  I still got the best I could do [Horizon Organic] but they do not let their cows roam free and eat grass :( *tangent time* it's funny, growing up with a ranch in the family, it never occurred to me that cows could live any other way than ours did.).  Anyway,  the dairy solids separate and you just strain 'em out, making it dairy-free!

ta-da!  Store-bought ghee can run up to $9.99 for 7 oz.  uhmmmm

AND FINALLY: dinner.

It was coconut curried shrimp from SkinnyTaste's website.. but I gotta say, it fell kind of flat.  I will admit that I probably didn't use quite as much curry paste because I thought it was going to be spicy.  Uhhhh, no.  It also called for reduced fat coconut milk, which was also a bust.  Next time: more spicy and more fat!

We served it over cilantro lime "rice" AKA cauliflower!  Seriously, is there anything cauliflower can't do?! TELL me that is not rice.

Seriously.

Try and tell me.

COME ON.

TL;DR I am obsessed with cauliflower the end